Top 15 Joker Attitude Quote Status - The Joker Quotes

Um.. hi, I guess. I'm not used to these kind of this but at this point i'm running out of ideas. The problem I have is that I'm unable to be sociable no matter how much I want to, for a good 5 years now I've been feeling this sense of loneliness and frustration because I just don't seem to be able to connect with others, before at school a lot of people didn't even know a lot of the things I liked even existed, they always just kind of followed trends around and hoped to be seen as "part of the rest" if you catch my meaning, like seeing new memes and overusing them or overhyping half-assed series on Netflix. All of that while I was just kinda vibing in the background, my class didn't have a lot of people (we were just 25, which I guess is pretty low for normal class standards if that even is a thing) so it was split into two rows, the left one was either toxic people or people who have had a shitty life and seek toxic people because they don't know any better, examples off the top my head are:the overly bitchy one, the one who treats people like garbage and then acts like a victim, the borderline workaholic with an abusive parent (i wish I could've helped her), and that one K-pop stan who daily posts 26 photos of mijing or who ever the fuck that guy is on their WhatsApp status while seemingly screaming about how cute he is and subsequently having a breakdown at 1am telling everyone to kill themselves, you know the usual (at least for me), and on the right there was the "healthy-but-not-really" and most trend following people, like a guy who was already pretty skinny but still felt like he had to lose weight and 3 to 4 idiots encouraging him, then there was the ones who where like, entirely disconnected from this world, it was a happy jerkcicle like none other, going from fighting to bffs and viceversa in a day. Since I didn't really connect with much I was stuck with a few friends who each were part of a different group, so In my friend group you had the hyperactive and needy guy, the actual robber, the cinema guy who can't stop with the shitty joker laugh impressions, and me, the fucking lurker overlord who knew everything that happened to the class basically, I helped everyone with the English class as I'm the only one able to actually speak it or write it somewhat decently on the class, I was the tallest one too, and I was the favourite student of a couple of teachers, had better than average grades, no regrets there, on the context of just school itself I did pretty good, I have three medals to show for it. But I never actually fit in. Originally, when I started high school (don't know if I specified that before sorry) in my class I had 2 friends, Martin and Leandro (really fucking doubt they'll ever see this as they don't even know what Reddit is so I don't care at all if they see this, and if they do, fuck you guys) who quickly became my best friends, we had a lot of fun on the first year with the fucking MLG memes and geometry dash 1.9 coming out, but as soon as second year came up everything went to shit, another guy was added to our group who fancied himself the role of toxic leader (I was fucking usurped I tell you) and another guy who was basically his personal sycophant (motherfucker looked like the protagonist of that sharkhunter Disney movie), near the end of the year he badmouthed me behind my back for almost 3 months before I nearly beat the shit out of him, I also got into a lot of fights with the others and to top it all of I got into a toxic relationship with dismissive, harsh, manipulative bitch. I told her off at the time thankfully, in my own way, at that time when you wanted get rid of someone without ghosting them you just told them you liked them and they would leave on their own, not the best I had but I can't regret every past action I have done. When third year roled up me and the others got separated, I was put into another class with the groups I told you and had to start all over again, that other asshole continued badmouthing me to the point where the others started believing him and started either avoiding me or acting passive aggressive towards me. So I said to myself, you know what? Fuck them, if everyone we did didn't mean anything to me why should I care. But... there was someone else on the group now, surprisingly one day they invited me to go out with them to eat something, they acted as if nothing was wrong and as if they were my best friends again, the pissed off I gave most of them that day was enough to tell them exactly what I thought of this, I didn't want to go but at the same time I kinda missed them, I was introduced to a new member of their little group.. Maru, I feel extremely uncomfortable writing that nickname, she was actually the best friend of the girl I had a toxic relationship on second year, so my first thought was that she was the same kind of person if not worse, but it wasn't like that, she WAS kind, understanding, thoughtful, in my eyes she was fucking gorgeous. We hit it off with a bit of distrust from my part as I was still dealing with the fact that she was in their group, so when we started talking I actually presented myself as a completely different person, most things I told her were either a lie or a half-truth, which was kind of fucked up I admit it, with time (which were like 3 months) I started to gradually trust her more, like I started telling her about my day, stopped lying and actually told her I was lying.. and she forgave me, I'll never understand why she did, she had all the reasons to tell me to get the fuck out of her life and she didn't. I don't exactly remember when I fell for her but it has to do with this: one day she asked about the situation with the others, and I gave her my side of the story.. that same day she talked with the others and they apologized, I was shocked, she did what I wasn't able to do in just a day, I still didn't talk that often with the others but we were at least on good terms again, Leandro even asked for advice on how to ask her out, at the time I helped him but I realised I had feelings for her when she started talking about a boyfriend she had from another school, it fucking hurt, in comparison I felt like I was living on one of those badly written Wattpad romance fanfics. But before 4th year ended they broke up, mainly because she couldn't handle a relationship at the time, and I was pretty supporting of her at the time, she was struggling with depression for a long time, she lives with ignorant parents who never listen to her, went to a class with shitty teachers and shitty people, she always tried to help others but she never helped herself, so there were days were I would stay up pretty late talking to her, Letting her vent and never sent any motivational speeches unless I felt at the time she only needed a boost, while she had a support system thanks to me and a few others, I had nothing except her, so no matter what, even if I was in a bad mood or something I tried my best to never fuck up and lash out at her when she tried to put others first instead of herself. But it got annoying, she WAS too naive sometimes. After a while I decided to do something about my feelings, I decided to try putting myself first instead of others, I wasn't about to let Leandro take the victory on this one, then I made a mistake which fucked up our whole relationship, I asked advice from the hyperactive friend and he basically just told me to ignore her and let her come to me, I was extremely hesitant and outright told him "FUCK. THAT. There's NO fucking way I'm doing that", and so I did, the worst part is that it worked, at the time you had no idea how happy I was, for the first time in my life I was overjoyed, I felt worth something, I felt like the happiest man alive (I could actually relate to that overused quote, holy shit), but then everything went downhill, neither of us had time for the other, as we had exams or projects nearly every week, but I tried god damnit, whenever we were able to actually go out, or I made time in my schedule to be with her she cancelled last minute, the thing is she acted like everything was alright which in turn made me become pretty bitter, whenever she asked for advice I told her to try and build somewhat of an ego, center herself more in her and she actually listened, the thing is as she actually took it but in the wrong way, she because exactly like her best friend who she actually told off for being toxic, she dismissed me like I was a fucking soldier, ignored me and we started getting into arguments when we hadn't had ones before, basically we became toxic together, also, ever since we started dating she never made our relationship public, which was weird to me as I didn't really what others thought of us, you'll see why this detail is important. In September i had to make a trip to Bariloche and one week before the trip she broke up with me, so on the last day of the trip I hooked up with this girl from another school and it was the best fucking night or day I've ever had, I had my first kiss that day and I can't describe with words how it felt, it was like getting closure, comforting and god damn I really needed that, i never saw that girl again but it was a grand and intoxicating experience. When I came back I did with a more positive attitude, I focused more on my word at school and my true friends than I did with her and she actually started complaining that I didn't speak to her as much anymore, and to top it all off while I was on the trip she started dating Leandro, so my answer was basically "well, I don't know what's the problem here", I mean I was basically replaced at this point so I saw no point on keeping on going, I saw her on an entire new light after the trip, she became snobbish, cold, and bitter. She wasn't the woman I fell in love with anymore and it didn't feel right to keep going, so I tried to stop talking to her, but at the same time I didn't want to ruin a 3 year friendship/bond I had with her, so I got stuck on an obsessive relationship for the rest of the year, until this year arrived, before quarantine I talked with my best friends for advice, the hyperactive guy become a chill and actually fun person (which surprises me to this day, I don't wanna sound like an asshole but I never expected him to change, nevertheless I'm happy for him), and my childhood best friend, now let me tell you about this guy, this Harry Potter looking motherfucker stuck with me ever since we were 5, he's my fucking brother and there's nobody else on this planet who I trust more than him, their advice was basically to let her go, so I built the courage and told her to get out of my life basically, not only her, I told her to tell the others too (Martin and Leandro) to never search for me, never speak to me or even mention me again, and for those that think that I should apologize I neglected the fact that I told I'd rather masturbate with sandpaper instead of continuing this fake relationship with her, at this point it would be like using a fire extinguisher on a charred corpse, it just doesn't work. So after that quarantine roled up and I feel more alone than ever, keep in mind she was the only person I spoke to regularly, it's uncommon for me to chat with others as I get drained easily even if I'm not doing anything worthwhile. And whenever I try I don't know what to say, I feel like I'm stuck on a loop of doing the same things over and over, procastination never hit me this hard for fucks sake, and I want to know if you knew about any place to start chatting with others, like I dunno, a small discord server or something. And if you have any advice on how to even socialize because I don't even know where to start anymore.
I'm sorry if some things are hard to understand, as English is not my main language.
P.S: Maru, if you are reading this, my sandpaper point still stands, unless you ever actually change never speak to me again.
I actually already posted this but i deleted it, as I never got a response from anyone and I really need the help, I want to make a change in my life but I don't know how to start. Sorry if I came across as too desperate or needy but I'm running out of options.

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